📿Uncertainty and Exhaustion

Measurement of Light and Color Sensations PI.09 (1893), Joseph Williams Lovibond

They say that the only certainties in life are death and taxes.

However, if you’re like me, doing your taxes feels anything but certain. I hand my income and expense statements to an accountant, who performs some form of arcane science — so bizarre to me that it is almost indistinguishable from magic — and a number is spit out to me. If you asked me to predict what I owe the government, I’d be completely lost.*

And as for death, Buddhists are fond of pointing out that the time of death is uncertain. That it comes without warning. So I don’t find much certainty there. In fact, I’ve been wondering: if we knew exactly when we would die, would it change how we live? As we approached our expiration date, would we slim down on work? Spend more time with loved ones? Say things we would normally hold back?

The more I think about it, the more it seems that the things that people claim are the only certainties in life are actually not that certain at all.**

To say that we are living in an uncertain times would be an understatement. When I asked my computer assistant what people were struggling with the most right now, the reply I got (offered with the confidence that only AI can muster) is: uncertainty and exhaustion. I know I am, so already I feel less alone in that regard.

And of course we’re all exhausted. We live in a late-stage capitalist society where taking time for self-care is considered selfish. Add deep political instability, endless wars, back-to-back-to-back climate disasters and a dash of casual cruelty from world leaders, and it would be shocking to me if any of us woke up each morning feeling refreshed and invigorated.

I often joke that American Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön has written the same book repeatedly, titled, in essence, Everything is Uncertain: Get On Board. My go-to recommendation is Comfortable with Uncertainty, a collection of 108 bite-sized teachings perfect for dipping into when life feels chaotic. Another good pick is When Things Fall Apart which is a classic for a reason, namely because things always seem to be falling apart.

For some of us, falling apart means a beautiful relationship is crumbling from within. For others, the dream of owning a home. For still others, their livelihood is in jeopardy of disappearing. And that’s just some personal ways things might fall apart, as opposed to how things are falling apart societally. Since there are infinite ways things fall apart, Pema keeps writing these books.

When things are falling apart and we’re faced with fear and uncertainty, we tend to react in one of three ways:

1. We distract ourselves — this might look like doomscrolling Instagram, binge-watching Netflix, or overloading our schedules to avoid feeling discomfort. Unfortunately, these distractions end and we are left with our unaddressed emotions.
2. We pretend things are fine — we tamp down the discomfort and pretend it doesn’t exist, hoping it will go away. It doesn’t and when we least expect it, the emotion rises up and punches us in the face.
3. We act out of fear — we lash out in ways that harm ourselves and others. Instead of acknowledging our anxiety, we might, for example, snap at a stranger in line and then feel guilty afterward. Because we aren’t relating to our emotions, they come out sideways.

Not surprisingly, these avoidance strategies lead straight to exhaustion.

So, what are we supposed to do instead? As Pema Chödrön writes in When Things Fall Apart:

“No one ever tells us to stop running away from fear. We are very rarely told to move closer, to just be there, to become familiar with fear. I once asked the Zen master Kobun Chino Roshi how he related with fear, and he said, ‘I agree. I agree.’”

What does it mean to just “agree” with fear? Having done extensive research specifically on trying to find a Buddhist alternative to this advice, I have found that unilaterally we are told to meet this moment as it is. Not distract ourselves or hide from it or give in to it — just sit in the midst of the storm.

We must meet uncertainty like an ex who has asked to have coffee one last time. We might approach the experience with trepidation but still, we show up anyway, engaging it with gentle curiosity. “So, what have you been up to, Uncertainty? Oh! You’re doing great? That’s wonderful. I’m so glad you’re keeping active.” If we engage uncertainty with genuine curiosity, we might even walk away feeling okay about our interaction.

Measurement of Light and Color Sensations PI.13

This is where meditation comes in as a tool that helps us navigate times of uncertainty with grace and resilience. The basic practice is simple: take an upright posture, focus on the breath, and when you get distracted, return to it with a sense of kindness. It is simple. Not easy, but simple.

The hard part is that we’ve trained ourselves to chase every anxious thought, treating it as urgent. Yet, in my experience, most of the worst-case scenarios I’ve imagined never happen. I’ve spent hours mentally rehearsing conversations that unfolded in completely unexpected ways. What a waste of time. Giving in to anxiety about uncertainty is exhausting and rarely productive. Better to learn the tools that help us acknowledge these thoughts and gently let them go.

As Pema writes:

“Generally speaking, we regard discomfort in any form as bad news. But for practitioners or spiritual warriors — people who have a certain hunger to know what is true-feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”

Isn’t that so frustrating? That the advice that is given is that we should just relax and ride the energy of this moment? And yet, it is 100% accurate in my experience. When we meditate, we learn to flow with uncertainty, rather than fight against it. It is better to ride the wave of that energy than let it drag us under.

In addition to meditation, how can we best prepare to ride the waves of this uncertain life? For me, it comes down to taking really good care of myself — so I can take care of others. A while back, I wrote about the Four Exhilarations as a means of fortifying us during difficult times. It’s said that when we do all four of these in a given day, we will be grounded and have unlimited energy to meet life as it is. They are:

• Eat well
• Sleep well
• Meditate
• Exercise

Like just about everything in the Buddhist canon, these are things we know we should do…and forget to more often than not. We might hit the gym but eat junk all day as a “reward.” Or sleep in and skip meditation. But when we commit to all four, it makes a tangible difference. For those of us struggling with perpetual exhaustion, doing some form of these in one day feels like the prescription we need for our ailment.

One thing I see us struggling with is waiting for a time when everything feels stable again. You might have scoffed at my traditional list and thought, “I’ll do those four regularly when…” When will that time ever come? Will there be a magic time when society feels awesome, and your health is good and work is slow and your finances solid…and then you get to relax and take care of yourself?

I don’t think that’s going to happen (I’m sorry). The Buddha was a realist. He said that things will continue to shift under our feet. Sometimes things like health and finances will feel better, sometimes they will feel worse. Sometimes someone we like is president, sometimes the opposite occurs. But no matter who is in office or how many dollars are in your savings account, the world will continue to feel uncertain because that’s just life.

The Buddha also taught that everything is impermanent and, frankly, he’s right. I have searched high and low and have yet to find one thing that is everlasting. Can you? If so, drop it in the comments and I’ll send you a prize in the mail (spoiler: even that prize will eventually break or decay).

In fact, one of the reasons we suffer so much is that we’re always looking for things to settle down, to feel really stable. Because we’re changing and the world around us is changing, as a result things feel perpetually uncertain and we get really, really upset. We seek stability in an unstable world. And it’s not working out for us.

So perhaps, as the title of the book goes, it might be better for us to instead become comfortable with uncertainty.

I’ll let Pema take us home with a quote from that book:

“As a species, we should never underestimate our low tolerance for discomfort. To be encouraged to stay with our vulnerability is news that we can use.”

What if, instead of avoiding uncertainty, we lean into our discomfort? What if, the next time the ground shifts beneath us, we don’t distract ourselves, shut down, or lash out — but instead, sit down for coffee with it and see what it has to say? What if we treated uncertainty as the perfect teacher? If we took that attitude, we likely would learn something new…and walk away from the encounter feeling a bit more refreshed.

This piece originally appeared on Lodro’s Substack: The Laundry. For more of his recent writing, check out The Laundry today.

Lodro Rinzler is the award-winning author of 7 books including The Buddha Walks into a Bar and Take Back Your Mind: Buddhist Advice for Anxious Times. He has taught meditation for 20 years in the Buddhist tradition, is the co-founder of MNDFL meditation studios and travels frequently for his books, having spoken across the world at conferences, universities, and businesses as diverse as Google, Harvard University and the White House. Named one of 50 Innovators Shaping the Future of Wellness by SONIMA, Rinzler’s work has been featured in The New York Times,The Wall Street Journal, The Atlantic, FOX, CBS, and NBC. He lives in upstate New York with his wife Adreanna, daughter Ruby, and a menagerie of small animals. lodrorinzler.com

*Shout out to my accountant Marisa Rothstein, JD, CFP® who has a really delightful Substack.

**You might yell at me, “But we know taxes and death will happen! They are realities as part of life!” And yes, to date, they have been. But with the current changes in our government who knows what taxes will look like in the years ahead. Also, with AI being a thing maybe we will all end up digital consciousnesses who initially long to live forever and regret it after a few hundred years. I used to be more certain about these things. Lately, not so much.